Little Girl Still Not Heard. The Story Continues to be ignored

Today is the day. A decision has to be made…

So, I had purchased a book review and an author review for $60. This individual claimed to support Indie Authors. I’m thinking, “Well, maybe this person can help. I’ve been getting lies, the runaround, etc.” When I woke up this morning, (I wasn’t fully awake yet) I read that review. It felt like someone sucked the life out of me. (The book review is a reblogged entry if you want to read it).

Basically, I’m a “failed poet.” “This book is the most difficult, most underrated form of art using words. Clumsiness, some metaphors seem forced, artificial, and not at all inspired. This short book is an example of what a few neatly placed words can done (it’s supposed to be “do”), what can be achieved within the confines of letters and punctuation.” And my book received a 4-star rating. On the contrary, my book was critiqued not reviewed.

To be honest, I don’t even care about the rating. It’s the wording of the review! Poetry is an art! Just like a painting, sculpture, or anything. It’s not the beauty of words; it goes beyond that!!! There’s a story within the poems that I’ve dedicated my life to writing, to convey.  For some reason, nobody is listening to the doggone story! They’re so busy trying to restrict my poetry to guidelines, rules, and how “they” think it should be. The cliche’, “You’ll miss the forest looking at the trees.” This review is a prime example.

Nobody doesn’t want to listen to the story, yet everyone is very quick to say, “everyone has a story to tell.” But who truly wants to listen? Who out there has the open mind to really see what the little girl is saying in that book?!

There is a huge difference between a writer and a poet. I’m a POET! Someone once shared “poetry burns the soul and evokes emotion.” A true and profound statement.

As I stated, I am that little girl. Yes, my story still goes unheard. Perhaps, if it was a novel, it would be more receptive. My allegiance is to poetry. I’m open to all types of literature. Poetry won my heart a long time ago. It saved me when “people” didn’t have the time to listen, care, or just have the time.

Being a published author is one of, if not the only, accomplishment in my life. Like, “Hey, after all the hurt, pain, multiple types of death, it all lead me here.” Now, I’m undergoing another type of death: the death of the soul, the death of a poet. Poetry used to be held in such high regards. In this decaying, withering, society, most wouldn’t know what art was if it was right in front of them.

I’ve been facing so much rejection because I’m a self-published author, or my book is poetry. But, I kept trying, trying to connect, trying new ideas…..

My worst fear: my poems out in the open; I can’t protect them or keep them safe. As long as they were on my computer, written in composition books and journals, and within my safe haven, I could control who I wanted to read them and put my poetry away. However, that’s no longer an option.

There are some who share my vision while others heartlessly mutilate my soul.

“Sorry, Little Girl. No one is listening still. So let’s go back to our unreality. Pretend we have a few like minds there. The world’s reality is not my reality. Their sense of rules is overbearing and unrealistic. But prejudice, isolation, and fake patriotism is the drivel that fuels society’s sanity. If rejection doesn’t kill me first, then I will be the world’s main course. And those that speak “truth” will be silenced within Dante’s Inferno. Never to be seen or heard from again: The ‘One-Hit Wonders’.

Subjected to mediocre meanings such as the period, an end. A comma, a possible addition. A semicolon, another addition making it more complex. Letters birth words involving the alphabet. How else would man have learned to categorize, to define the ‘thing,’ the ‘it.’  Yes, ‘it” could be anything. But what would yours be?

Let art live. Just let it be. Stop trying to cut it up, define it, understand it. It simply just the ‘is.’ Words do cut deep, and the truth is supposed to free the soul. Do you really want to be set free? Or be condemned to the world’s crumbling, archaic method of thinking?

I’m an artist; I will die an artist. But I will choose my demise.
NOT YOU!”

© – J.N. McGhee, poet (first), published author

 

 

 

 

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Book Review: Little Girl Blues by J.N. McGhee

If rejection doesn’t kill me first, then I guess I will be the main course for the rest of the world.

Cristian Mihai

A book of poetry. The most difficult and most underrated form of art involving words.

Truth be told, and to paraphrase William Faulkner, all writers are failed poets. They aim to create the kind of beauty to be found in a poem.

This short book is an example of what a few neatly placed words can done, what can be achieved within the confines of letters and punctuation marks.

To use only words to create beauty, to evoke certain feelings, to make you feel something, that’s the closest thing to magic we still have.

Of course, this is the work of a young poet, which means that it is both ambitious and not without fault. Maybe those faults derive from ambition: there’s clumsiness in some parts, some metaphors seems forced or artificial or not at all that inspired.

Regardless, most of the poems are really good, some even better.

Overall…

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Opening Act: First Appearance as a Published Author

So, there’s so much to divulge! But I will have to do another entry later in the week. I was invited by Ms. Gigi Gates to participate as a vendor at her 2nd Year Anniversary of Moving Forward Seminar. This was quite a challenge for me. I’m a published author now, yet I’m still shy and meek. However, this was an opportunity to meet potential customers, market/promote my book, and gain other opportunities such as speaking engagements to share with others.

My mother and sister went with me, and I’m so glad that they did. I was a nervous wreck. My mind was all over the place because I had so much to do: setup the table, where to place stuff, where to sit, etc. But my mother and sister took the initiative and helped ground me.

The event itself was outstanding! So much knowledge, so many women that came to support Ms. Gigi and her vision.

Also, I was able to engage with these women and provide a synopsis of my book. I sold a total of 6 books! I celebrate the small victories, and I was asked to come to a future speaking engagement. I was excited but still shy at the same time. Overall, November 11th was a very special day for me. The venue, where the seminar was held, was actually a bookstore. I spoke with the owner, Tamarah Mack. She agreed to sell my books at her establishment. I was overjoyed. I gave her five copies and signed a consignment form.

God is really opening doors for me! A few weeks ago, I wanted to give up on the local promotion because it wasn’t getting anywhere. Now, look!

That’s all for today. The next entry will be a backdrop to catch you up on what’s been going on since the publication of my book.

All I can say is God can. He will. He’s able!

Read Poetry: Unchanging Penitence, by J.N. McGhee

Poetry Festival featured my poem “Unchanging Penitence” on their website. Yes, this poem is also in my book, “Little Girl Blues: Existence of an Image.” It’s on Amazon, Goodreads, Alibris, Abe Books, Book Depository, and Indie Bound! Get your Copy Today!

POETRY FESTIVAL. Submit to site for FREE. Submit for actor performance. Submit poem to be made into film.

Genre: Dark, Sad

Love + me will always = pain.
Disappointments and knowledge are the results I gain.
Mending gradually yet the heart remains the same.
Closets are filled to capacity with no vacancy to place the blame.
I hate myself, this flesh never seems to redeem.
Outward appearances capture strangers’ eyes; their conjured reflections evade my dreams.
I’m not good enough; I will never be seen for who, not what, I truly am.
Perfection, requirements, and preferences overwhelm me like a dam.
Scars, bruises, and blemishes leave their mark.
Constant remainders chipping away at me like tree bark.
Beating myself emotionally, physically, mentally has left sensations numb. Damaged beyond repair; I’m an invisible shadow.
No sense of place nor time.
Just a faceless phantom.
No matter what people do to me, for it will never come close as to what I do to myself on the inside.
 I’ll return…

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Doubly Blessed

Well, today is one of the happiest days of my life! My first book of poems, “Little Girl Blues: Existence of an Image” is available on Paperback and Kindle version! And I have a new little nephew, D-Baby. I’m so excited; he’s the first and only nephew. I’m just thrilled that he will be an addition to my life. My life has changed so much from every dark corner on every turn. However, I’m glad that I’m on my journey. Though I’ve recently lost a few friends, I’m learning that there are going to be a lot more who will not be taking this journey with me.

It was hard to grasp at first; now, I’m on my way to fulfilling my goals and dreams for once. I always help so many with their dreams and goals that I often forsake my own. I’m getting older, and I don’t have anymore time to waste on people who refuse to acknowledge that, “Hey, I matter too.”

That’s all for today! Don’t forget to get your copy of “Little Girl Blues: Existence of an Image” on Amazon, paperback and Kindle today! Hope you enjoy the read; I also pray that this book plants a seed. It’s up to you to help nurture and help it grow in the right direction.

God bless because I surely am.Little_Girl_Blues_Cover_for_Kindle (1)

MY BOOK of Poems COMING SOON!!!

ATTENTION: THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!
Coming September 18, 2017; LITTLE GIRL BLUES: Existence of an Image; Paperback!

Kindle version is available now! Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075KPJ7WV

BE on the lookout!!! Book Promos starting NOW!!!

I just thank God for this milestone! I’m so excited and nervous. I have so much work to do, and I have to get started. More posts coming soon.

Thanks for the support!Little_Girl_Blues_Cover_for_Kindle.jpg

Wayne McGhee: Over 30 years fighting Diabetes

This will be another short blog entry. Basically, I started a fundraiser for my father, Wayne McGhee. My dad has been battling Diabetes (Type 1) for over 30 years. He has been in and out of the hospital frequently over the past few years. He’s undergone surgery for amputations of his toes on both feet. Last year, he fell into a diabetic coma. I didn’t think he was going to come out of it. But through prayer, God delivered him back to us. Now, he’s in a nursing home for rehabilitation. You know I’m not use to seeing my dad like this. He’s normally walking on his own, talking noise, joking around, or being a pain because he’s so stubborn. Now, he’s in a wheelchair, has a walker, or he has problem remembering. The doctor also told me that he has mini strokes. But he’s a fighter, my dad. He was telling me that he wanted to go home. I just started a job; so I’m doing the best I can. Well, my brother and sister are too.
Wayne McGhee needs clothes ( most of them were stolen or lost), a couple of appliances like a refrigerator and a new washer, etc. So this is for him. He’d probably be mad at me for doing this fundraiser. As I said, my old man is pretty stubborn and prideful. So I’m asking on his behalf.

If you can’t donate, please share and keep us especially him uplifted in prayer. We love our dad, and we want to make sure that he has everything he needs in order to make him comfortable.

The fundraiser is on Facebook. If you have further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me through my contact link.

Thanks so much in advance.

Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/donate/469983920020924/10154687575981053

Twin Faces: The Stranger I Will Never Know

This blog is a little more personal for me. Mostly, all of my blogs are. But this one is coming from apart of me that seems to be in the interim space of lost but not quite yet found. (If that makes any sense).

Look at the picture above…..that woman. We look just alike, don’t we? We could pass for identical twins, couldn’t we? Same smile, same eyes, and yes, those cheeks. (I hate mine). But all in all, this woman was my maternal grandmother, Rose Edkar. To be honest, I’ve never met her in person. She lived in California. As I was growing up, there were many pictures of her and stories my mom would tell me and my siblings about her. From her attitude to how much she changed when she turned her life over to Christ, I still did not know this woman. She was my grandmother, yet I just never knew her.

My mom would tell us that Grandmo Rose said hey and she loves us. She never met us either; well, not since we were babies. I’ve never know my mom’s maternal side of the family. Other than one of my aunts who came to visit every now and again, her side of the family lived in California. Only family I knew were my dad’s side of the family. (No comment). I’m cool with an aunt, an uncle, and a few cousins; however, I was never really treated like part of the family. I was always the “black sheep” on both the paternal side and maternal. As my brother and sister grew older, they shared the same category as me except for my brother. LOL, women just fall in love with him whenever. Maybe it’s his charm.

Back in 2010, I spent a week in California with my grandfather. I called Grandmo Rose to let her know, so I could finally see her. I remember her being so excited and saying she would finally get to see one of her babies. But my grandfather wouldn’t take me to see her; unfortunately, I did not know how to drive. I called her crying as I told her what the situation was. Boy, I could feel her anger through the phone. She said, “You tell George Williams that you’re my granddaughter too! And I want to see you!” I just burst out laughing so hard while still crying at the same time.  Even though I relayed the message to him, he still didn’t take me.

I was so defeated. I was like after all these years, I would finally see Grandmo Rose. Connect with her, share some stories, ask for her wisdom from her past situations……that day would never come to pass.

The very last time, I spoke to Grandmo again was Christmas. I was cooking the traditional, nontraditional Christmas dinner. Mom said if she cooked Thanksgiving, I would cook Christmas. Grandmo wanted to speak to me, and we talked on the phone momentarily. Then she says, “Tell Gina I’m tired of talking to her. I will talk to her later.” I was stunned. So I told mom what she said, she was like, “Tell her I’m tired of talking to her too.” Grandmo heard what she said, told me bye, and I hung up the phone. My mom and Grandmo’s relationship was very peculiar to me, but that’s how they got along.

In 2014, Grandmo Rose went into the hospital. She had diabetes, high blood pressure real bad. They took a picture of her smiling…me and my sister shared it on Facebook asking of prayers. Of course, a couple of family members got mad and told us to take the picture down. Me and my sister didn’t; you see, they had Grandmo. They were around her, knew how she was, and everything.

All we’ve ever had were pictures and a voice; that’s all. No memories long enough to hold onto. Long story short, October 16, 2014, Grandmo passed away. She had a stroke and end of story.

My life just paused…….I never met this woman. Never seen her in person; I wanted so badly to form a relationship with her. It was not fair to me or my siblings. We just always seem to be the odd ones left out in one way or another.

The funeral was in California; no, we did not go, but my mom did.

Before Grandmo passed, she was in the hospital. My mom had gone to see her. Mom said that Grandmo said, “I guess I will never get to see my babies.” She was holding on just to see us at least one time. I hate that we nor she will never get that chance.

Grandmo Rose, you’ve been on my mind and heart heavily all the time. I don’t know why nor do I understand. But I am sad….

When I look at this picture, and as I look in the mirror, I see you. Same eyes, same smile, and those big cheeks…

I love you, Grandmo. Though we were denied a bond, you’re still a stranger , a voice, and albums full of pictures that I only wish I had just a little time to get to know.

 

R.I.P. Grandmo Rose

 

Quick Pace: Trying To Keep Up

It’s been a while since my last entry. Things have really changed since then. For instance, I will list them (lol, though they may not be in order).

  1. Now, I write travel articles for Trip101.
  2. I was talking to a friend of mine; and, after much talk, I asked to be a Contributing Editor for her Charity Publisher, Rock & Roll Saved My Soul. “Everyday Miracles” is a new anthology from other writers of poetry and short stories; I also contributed a piece.  It should be published by the end of this month. I was so excited about editing and reading all these stories and poems. It was truly an honor.
  3. My first book of poetry will be coming out next month!! A lot of people have been asking and pushing for me to do a book of my own poetry, so it’s right around the corner.
  4. I’m hoping to launch my own editorial and other services provided  business in September!!!
  5. I have bought a few manuals and references to pursue my career as a Copy Editor. I still have a few more books to get, and I will get them very soon.
  6. I am taking some courses for certification or a certificate as a Copy Editor; hopefully, I will start those soon too.
  7. I will become a member of ACES (American Copy Editor Society) and a couple of more organizations to make it official.
  8. I have much more stuff to share, but that will have to be for another time.

The ball really rolled! I’m so happy and thankful because I’m pressing and pushing toward the mark. I want a careeer, not a job! I almost forgot how it was. I almost gave up hope; I was just about to “settle.” But NO! I want what I want. Most people spend their lives settling because they don’t believe and maybe it’s too hard to achieve what they really want. Late on, it leads to regret.

Not me! I’m investing in self. I’m taking steps that are necessary to get me to the next level. It’s a process; and I’m learning that it can’t be rushed. I just have to enjoy the journey while trying to reach the destination.

Sorry about the short entry. My writing career is taking off along with my becoming a business woman. Who knew that both would keep me so busy. I’m not complaining at all. I’m simply happy that the paced quicken a bit. Though I’m struggling a little to keep up, I know one thing is certain: I’m Not Stopping! I’m not turning back. It’s forward and up all the way!