This blog is a little more personal for me. Mostly, all of my blogs are. But this one is coming from apart of me that seems to be in the interim space of lost but not quite yet found. (If that makes any sense).
Look at the picture above…..that woman. We look just alike, don’t we? We could pass for identical twins, couldn’t we? Same smile, same eyes, and yes, those cheeks. (I hate mine). But all in all, this woman was my maternal grandmother, Rose Edkar. To be honest, I’ve never met her in person. She lived in California. As I was growing up, there were many pictures of her and stories my mom would tell me and my siblings about her. From her attitude to how much she changed when she turned her life over to Christ, I still did not know this woman. She was my grandmother, yet I just never knew her.
My mom would tell us that Grandmo Rose said hey and she loves us. She never met us either; well, not since we were babies. I’ve never know my mom’s maternal side of the family. Other than one of my aunts who came to visit every now and again, her side of the family lived in California. Only family I knew were my dad’s side of the family. (No comment). I’m cool with an aunt, an uncle, and a few cousins; however, I was never really treated like part of the family. I was always the “black sheep” on both the paternal side and maternal. As my brother and sister grew older, they shared the same category as me except for my brother. LOL, women just fall in love with him whenever. Maybe it’s his charm.
Back in 2010, I spent a week in California with my grandfather. I called Grandmo Rose to let her know, so I could finally see her. I remember her being so excited and saying she would finally get to see one of her babies. But my grandfather wouldn’t take me to see her; unfortunately, I did not know how to drive. I called her crying as I told her what the situation was. Boy, I could feel her anger through the phone. She said, “You tell George Williams that you’re my granddaughter too! And I want to see you!” I just burst out laughing so hard while still crying at the same time. Even though I relayed the message to him, he still didn’t take me.
I was so defeated. I was like after all these years, I would finally see Grandmo Rose. Connect with her, share some stories, ask for her wisdom from her past situations……that day would never come to pass.
The very last time, I spoke to Grandmo again was Christmas. I was cooking the traditional, nontraditional Christmas dinner. Mom said if she cooked Thanksgiving, I would cook Christmas. Grandmo wanted to speak to me, and we talked on the phone momentarily. Then she says, “Tell Gina I’m tired of talking to her. I will talk to her later.” I was stunned. So I told mom what she said, she was like, “Tell her I’m tired of talking to her too.” Grandmo heard what she said, told me bye, and I hung up the phone. My mom and Grandmo’s relationship was very peculiar to me, but that’s how they got along.
In 2014, Grandmo Rose went into the hospital. She had diabetes, high blood pressure real bad. They took a picture of her smiling…me and my sister shared it on Facebook asking of prayers. Of course, a couple of family members got mad and told us to take the picture down. Me and my sister didn’t; you see, they had Grandmo. They were around her, knew how she was, and everything.
All we’ve ever had were pictures and a voice; that’s all. No memories long enough to hold onto. Long story short, October 16, 2014, Grandmo passed away. She had a stroke and end of story.
My life just paused…….I never met this woman. Never seen her in person; I wanted so badly to form a relationship with her. It was not fair to me or my siblings. We just always seem to be the odd ones left out in one way or another.
The funeral was in California; no, we did not go, but my mom did.
Before Grandmo passed, she was in the hospital. My mom had gone to see her. Mom said that Grandmo said, “I guess I will never get to see my babies.” She was holding on just to see us at least one time. I hate that we nor she will never get that chance.
Grandmo Rose, you’ve been on my mind and heart heavily all the time. I don’t know why nor do I understand. But I am sad….
When I look at this picture, and as I look in the mirror, I see you. Same eyes, same smile, and those big cheeks…
I love you, Grandmo. Though we were denied a bond, you’re still a stranger , a voice, and albums full of pictures that I only wish I had just a little time to get to know.
R.I.P. Grandmo Rose