Day 7: Sabbatical Completed; Freed by Truth

I am proud of myself for staying committed throughout this sabbatical.

I attended church today; and, I must say that my soul was more than filled. The message came from Romans 5: 1-12; the sermon, “He looked beyond my faults.” Normally, when going to church, I take notes and record the sermon.

There were a few points that made me think:

  1. Trials teach you patience – patience acquires experience – experience gains hope. These steps are sequential; you can’t skip. Hope is highly positive expectations. God is not negative!
  2. Before and during your trials, learn to praise God. You can’t be a witness if you haven’t truly learned who God is in the storm.
  3. Good things take time. While in your process, let God marinate your situations. Don’t rush them! You won’t receive what God has in store for you. Impatience cause you to just take whatever is convenient.
  4. Learn the difference between concerning and worrying. It’s ok to be concerned. But when your concern becomes worrying, you need to place it in God’s hands.
  5. If you have to ask “why,” then you don’t have faith in God. If you don’t have faith, then you don’t trust him. If you don’t trust him, you don’t believe in him. If you don’t believe in him, it causes you to doubt him.

Well, let’s recap.

Day 1 was basically testing the waters. It did feel good to visit my “academic” mother. She believes in me which causes her to push me to my greater.

Day 2 was heavy hitter #1; I’m learning how to commit and work on me. I’ve always tried to prove myself to others by subjecting myself to be whatever people wanted. I’m learning that self-sacrifice doesn’t help anyone especially me.

Day 3 helped me reconnect to the flow of creativity again. Also, water was a healing element that proved to be more meaningful than I ever realized.

Day 4 was heavy hitter #2; I had to really dig within myself, scratch beneath the surface. I had to unearth the two main traumas that took root. I had to stop doing guesswork and actually acknowledge what I have been truly running from for years.

Day 5 – Bonding is a beautiful form of commitment and trust. Though I bonded with my sister, with anyone else, I know it is a matter of time.

Day 6 reminded me of God’s promise and how I just have to keep trusting in him while still working on me.

Day 7; the day of completion. Everything has come to fruition and seeds have been planted. I’ve seen the truth – I have been set freed.

I love how everything that has been revealed by the good Lord seems to tie in together.

The sabbatical maybe over, but I still have to continue to initiate and commit to changing myself daily.

I’m going to get to the next stage.

Moving forward and up…all the way.

Thank you, Lord for enlightening me!

Day 6: Nature’s Child, Kidnapped, and Coming Full Circle

With the sabbatical coming full circle, today was more revealing and unveiling than any other day.

Earlier, I had decided that I wanted to go swimming in the Reservoir and do a little writing. Due to a major event taking place at the Reservoir, I was not able to swim. So, I took advantage of being in my element, nature. While there, I placed my feet in the water and was able to connect to the flow and write. After I finished the poetic piece, I packed up my things and left.

A friend of mine, whose name is also Jasmine, wanted me to come and visit her. Once I arrived, she wanted to ride with her to the pet store to buy her dog, Massiah’s medicine; but, the pharmacy was closed. We left the store and got back in the car. We sat in the car and Jazmine shared her testimony and backstory with me. I was shocked; I didn’t understand why she felt so comfortable telling me her story to me. But, she was encouraging me to just get closer to God, grow stronger in my faith with him. Also, she decided to invest in my growth by helping me, concerning Emerson. She’s getting married in July on the 28th. She’s invited me to attend her wedding; I promised her I would come. The events included snowballs, helping her chose an outfit, eating, talking, etc. I really had fun. She kept saying, ” I had to kidnap you to finally get you to hang to with me.”

Tomorrow is the last day of my sabbatical. I just thank God for the revealing and unveiling of truth because I have truly been set free.

I will be sharing or doing a summary of all the truths I have learned.

Day 5: Sister Bonding Time

This will be a very short blog. Today was another eventful day; my sister stopped by the house to spend time with me, LOL, and wash her clothes. Little sister is always complaining about us not spending any time together. First, I made her take pictures with me. Our dog, Twyla, wanted to be included; so, I snapped a quick picture of her.

After the pictures, we decided to play video games. I chose to play Spyro 3:  Year of the Dragon. I love playing video games whenever I have the time to do so. We played games for a while until my sister told me she was exhausted. At first, I just looked at her and said, “Now, you’ve been whining and complaining for weeks about spending time together; and, you’re tired.” She replies, “I do have a job, you know. I do work, and I have to work again tomorrow.” I just shook my head. My sister is really something else, but she’s always been that way.

It felt good to have sister time as the sabbatical is coming full circle. I can’t say that each day has not been pretty amazing, enlightening, and healing.

I love my little sister even if she makes me wonder at times.

Day 2 of Sabbatical: Commitment to Self

Day 2. Objective: Commitment to Self.

Today marks a milestone for me. This morning, on my way to see the doctor, I was looking at one of my motivational coach’s FB Live videos. She was talking about procrastination, fear, etc. But there was one word that my mind just took ahold of -commitment. I’m thinking, “Lord, what is it about this word that’s provoking me to think?” He revealed it. All my life I placed it upon myself to invest and commit to others and never made a commitment to myself.

It’s so easy to want to help others, to put all of our time and effort  – a commitment toward them. Yet, I never took the time to invest in me. In addition, growing up, I never had the time to really do it. I was so busy trying to be a great daughter, awesome sister, good friend, just to name a few. I never stopped to think about “me”. What do I want to do? What can I do to make me happy? What would I like to do as a profession? All of these questions did not surface until a little over a year ago.

I mentioned this in the “Commencement of the Sabbatical; then, the Comeback” entry. I am a very giving, empathetic, compassionate little human. I’ve always thought of others by placing them before me. To an extent, that’s how I was raised. Being the oldest, I was charged with taking care of the house, looking after my younger siblings, and looking after my ill father. I never questioned it; I just did as I was told. Now, I see the error of some of the choices I have made. I kept giving away “self” all the time. I’m telling you; it was like an automatic comparison to a robot.  

Most of the dilemmas I have encountered over the years to current came down to one basic truth: I did not want to deal with me. I did not want to work on me. I wanted to help everyone else with their problems. However, I couldn’t even take time for myself. And looking back, that’s probably why most of my relationships whether with friends to family to significant others did not last or ended horribly, abruptly.

I wanted to prove to people that I could do whatever they needed me to do; I wanted to rally their cause. And I abandoned my own. I have been running like a fugitive from myself for so long that God is forcing me to deal with me at this moment, right now. How can I be so willing to help others when I’m refusing to help myself? It was the fear. It got the best of me.

I complained about repetitive situations with friends and significant others that I’ve gained clarity. I was searching for happiness, completion away from my issues in other people. They became my escape, but it was also a trap. Yes, I was using people to avoid the pain on the inside of me. It was scary; it was ugly, and the darkness was always there waiting for my downfall. Ironic, I’ve been spiraling for a long time until I have finally found my footing.

If I can put that much time and effort into other people, why can’t I do that for myself? I can’t be anything for others until I learn how to invest and commit to me first. Think about it? You’ve put your all – heart and soul into people because they became an object, a safe haven from the chaos inside yourself. But what happens when you realize these people are not what you were hoping them to be for you? Or these people no longer want to be with you?

I’m learning I have to commit to self first. I know me; I will lose not just myself, but my way, my vision, and my voice. Because I will subject myself to that prison and will not know it until it’s too late. It’s easy to make a bed, but the question is can you sleep in a bed of your own making? Will it be too hard? It’s missing something, but you’re not quite sure what it is. Or will you keep experimenting with variations of others’ bed hoping to find rest?

Avoid this. Save yourself the heartache, the sleepless nights, and the agony by making a change in your life. We pray for change, but we are not doing the work. As my coach said, “God can’t make a move until you make a move. You have to initiate the change. You have to do the work.” And she’s right. There’s no other way around it. No matter how fast or far you run, your problems will still be there waiting. No amount of sex, drugs, alcohol, or whatever your choice of poison will not solve anything.

If you’re one of those individuals that are complaining about your situation, but you’re too lazy to put forth an effort to do the work. Then, you need to stop complaining and just accept your situation. No one is going to fix your problem for you. YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND FOR YOURSELF. And stop expecting others to do it. They are not responsible for the work you have to do within yourself.

We keep putting it off; stop it! Do it right now; start today! Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. You want a change? Work, invest and commit to yourself. You will not be happy until you do so. Everything that you think is working out because you’re sacrificing you to make others happy is only temporary. If you want something more long-term, something real, you better put in some overtime for a relationship with yourself.

A commitment is ongoing, consistent. Working on yourself should be a daily goal. Once, you have started and endure, you will be a better person for yourself and not a slave to others.

As for me, yes, I made my choice to commit to self. I matter too. I have goals and dreams. I want to get better. I want to be better. I mentioned this before in a couple of previous entries. I have to get to the next level, but I know that I can’t get there doing the same thing.

It took 30 years for me to finally learn this lesson. My plea to you is don’t let it take you this long to make a change in your life and commit to self.

I challenge you to make a commitment to yourself right now. Start building a foundation for yourself and continue to build. Only then can your foundation be rock solid. Nothing or no one can do or take anything from you unless you give them that power to do so.

I don’t know about you, but I hate the idea of someone else having power over me, having control over the things I want for myself.

Yes. Today was an “I’m proud of Jasmine” moment. I’ve never had a moment like this before. A remarkable milestone – I’ve truly awakened.

Screaming on the Inside: The Meltdown Continues

Well…

This entry may be a little lengthy. However, despite the length, whatever is on the inside, it is fighting to the surface.

In my last blog entry, I mentioned that I, along with the help of many others, was able to get the $400 nonrefundable deposit fee submitted and secured. Now, there are two things left: finding a place to stay and finding a job. Before the completion of the application, I was worried about finding a place to live and a job. Of course, many have been reassuring me that I will definitely find a job and a place. Just like then and now, I’m still not at ease.

My nervousness has been escalating from afraid to scared to being terrified. On the outside, I’m doing everything I can to maintain my composure. But on the inside, I’m spiraling askew. Last night, I had trouble sleeping. Earlier yesterday, I was exhausted. However, when it was time to go to bed, it was like my mind was fully awakened by everything gnawing away at me. Physically, I felt the effect; I sat up on the side of the bed with my head in arms, literally, attempting to shake it out. I ended up taking medication to help me sleep; and, it worked. Truthfully, deep down in the back of my mind, I know the two factors are just the components of the whole ordeal. What do I mean? I’m glad you asked.

It’s not just moving to Boston, going to school, finding a place to stay, or even finding a job. The “wow” factor is this is the BIG Change I’ve been searching for over the years. Although it feels like a “too good to be true” moment, it’s happening nonetheless. Everything has been placed in motion. I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to. Then again, do I really want to? All these years, I have always given everyone all of me. No matter who they were: family, friends, significant others, strangers, etc. I’ve always given and expected nothing in return because I felt it was the right thing to do. Now, I’m learning that I’ve poured myself into others that I can’t pour into me. I can’t save or help anyone in the condition I’m in now. I’m healing, but it’s a process that can’t be rushed. In the interim, I still have to wait and let this process run its course.

Life is in a constant state of flux. Constant changes are definite, but it’s this BIG Change that I’m referring to that has me all over the place now. This change symbolizes a new beginning, not just a chapter. Because it is placing me on the path to finding self, goals, and a career. I’ve been running and putting it at the end of the line because I was doing what everyone else wanted or expected of me. I would motivate myself with everyone’s repetitious drivel as to why I had to do it. “Because I’m supposed to; it’s my duty and responsibility; I’m the only one that can and will…” That’s how it was for a long time. In the present, I don’t have a choice anymore; now, I’m forced to take care of Jasmine. Many may think it’s selfish. It’s called self-preservation.

I’m not God or Jesus. I can’t save everyone; sometimes we, as human beings, delude ourselves into thinking we can save or change people. The hard fact to swallow is we can’t. We try to help those who won’t even help themselves. We drown by attempting to help them when we’re enabling them. People have to help themselves first. Then, after putting some work behind the action, I can do what I can. This lesson was, and is, still a difficult pill to swallow. I keep giving, selflessly. Right now, I don’t have anything to give; I poured so much of myself out. Do I regret it? No. It’s just a lesson I had to really grasp.

At the age of 30, I’m terrified. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I don’t have any control over it. I HAVE to walk this path no matter what. I want to pursue my passion, a career, not a job. A friend of mine reminded me, “A lot of people tell you to go to school and get a job, so I chose a career. Because at ‘Career Day’, you’re looking for a career.” When he said that, it resonated with me. It made so much sense.

I may not have wealth, accolades, pleasant, physical features, a mansion, or five different vehicles. Who cares? For the first time in my life, I going to pursue a relationship with myself – a committed relationship to love within intimately that it radiates! Self-fulfillment is really one of my goals! I can’t spend another 30 years waiting for others to do it; I have to start right now. No more waiting.

Yes, I’m suffering a meltdown –  the meltdown is necessary. I have to be broken down in order to start anew, to be the woman God has been calling me to be all this time. I won’t lie; I didn’t want to be that woman. I just wanted to be me. Actually, I don’t even know who I am that’s why I’m on this path to find out.

Yes, I’m screaming on the inside. We all are. I’m going to turn those screams into cheers instead. Chapter 30 was an introspection of the choices I’ve made and a question of redemption. Am I worth saving? I’m trying to save everyone, anyone else. But who’s going to save me?

Chapter 30, I don’t care about being revolutionary. I care about the Evolutionary; I have to get to the next stage. I have to keep learning and growing. I have an insatiable hunger! Evolution is a necessity! I won’t be satisfied until I have it!

My journey is just beginning. I will have to walk it, embrace it in order to see.

I will be sharing my poetic piece in the next blog, “Interim”. Hope you guys like it.

UPDATE: Emerson, Here I Come!

Hello, everyone! This will be a very short blog entry for today. I just wanted to give an update on the Emerson situation. On my previous blog, I was asking for donations to submit a $400 nonrefundable deposit fee to Emerson College to secure my spot. The ram in the bush I was praying and looking for arrived on June 7. That person was my little sister. She saw that a friend of mine had created a fundraiser for me on the gofundme platform. My sister decided to give me the entire amount; she expressed how she wanted me to finally be happy by pursuing my goals and obtaining a career in my field. I must say I did not see that coming. After all the stressing, anxiety, and worrying, God was right on time. So, we are in there! Thank you, Lord.

Now, that the deposit is secured. I have to make preparations to find a place to live and a job. A friend of mine connected to a non-profit organization who is going to help raise the money for most of that. Thank you, God…again. When people say, “it comes in 3s,” I guess they were not lying,

Also, I want to thank everyone who contributed whether you donated, invested time, prayers, positive vibes, etc. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. The seeds you have planted are about to come to fruition. Just watch. Still, I want to thank you all for continuing to witness my journey. This is another chapter in my life that’s about to begin.

I won’t lie; yes, I’m scared. Terrified, actually. But, the only way now is up. I can’t continue to stay at the bottom. I rather go for it and know that I tried rather the alternative.

More updates to come. You guys, be blessed.

Little Girl Blues: Existence of an Image (The Blog)/ One-Year Anniversary

This will be a short blog.

Today marks the one-year anniversary of my blog. I cannot believe it’s been a year already! Time surely flew, didn’t it? I’ve experienced so much such as disappointments, rejections, becoming a published author and obtaining the role of an aunt, and many more.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but when I started this blog, it was only to support my cousin. I had no idea what I would blog about, if people would read it, or even take interest in it. However, I am proud to say that this blog has 50 followers! Others would think that’s not a lot of people. I’m glad that these individuals have chosen to follow, witness, and listen to my story as I continue to grow while finding my voice, myself.

I’m still working on making my blog current; I’m glad I don’t have too much more to catch up on. First, I just want to thank every one individual who has ever commented, liked, read, and followed this blog. I’m truly grateful and appreciate your loyalty. Second, I want to thank my cousin, Precious for this awesome idea. I didn’t know that this blog would lead the actual publication of my poetry collection; yet, it all worked out for the greater good. Third, I even want to thank my invisible haters. I had no idea I even had any. But they were fake supporters, opportunists who claim to support “indie” authors, and pretenders who try their hardest to keep you down while they shine. Personally, my favorites were the ones filled with jealousy. Why? I don’t know. Just as I’m struggling to make my dreams come true to self-fulfillment. Guess what? You can too. Anybody can.

I hope this blog continues to reach and connect other people out there; the voiceless. Just as I share my story within every entry. You can do the same too! Also, I pray that the blog will grow as I know I will. But I can’t do it without you.

Again, thank you! My story is still ongoing, unfolding.

It’s not over.

Happy Anniversary, LGB!!!

Chance of Lifetime: The L.A. Art Show

This will probably be a short blog entry…or not.

Well, back in January, I got the chance to go the L.A. Art Show and Aldis Hodge would be among the other artists to meet and greet while discussing his artistic collaboration with another beautiful artist name Harmonia.

Yes, this trip was spontaneous. Totally unplanned, but what the heck? When I plan stuff, it never turns out right. So, this time, I tried something different. I book a room; my drive was like 1 day, and 2 hours away. I started driving Friday, on January 12th. I knew Aldis would be at the event on the 14th. I wanted to make sure I was there. The drive was long especially when I had to drive through the state of Texas! My goodness! As I was driving, I began to think, “Lord, am I ever going to get out of this state?” I did enjoy the scenic route. The multiple states I had to drive through just to get to Los Angeles; the things I saw, the various speed limits, etc. However, once I got to Arizona and New Mexico, I was just drenched in sweat. When I left, it was cold like 32 degrees. In Arizona and New Mexico, desert heat! I couldn’t stand it.

But on January 13th, around 11: 34 p.m., I had made it to my destination. I was exhausted; the place where I booked the room gave me the 3rd degree about paying a security deposit. I told them I didn’t see that on their website and asked why they didn’t inform me of that information when I call to confirm my reservation. Some stranger, a guy, offered to pay the security deposit for me. I was grateful because I threatened to sleep in my car if I had to. They gave me the key to my room, and I just fell across the bed, passed out.

The next day,  I got up early to take a shower, get dressed, and pack. Of course, I had no idea where anything was located. Thank God for Google Maps (it works, sometimes). I didn’t have to drive far just an 8-minute drive. I found the Convention Center; it was massively HUGE! I’m thinking to myself, “I really got to get out more.” I park and go inside. I had no idea what the dress code would be for an event like this, so I dressed up a little with my blue jean, denim sneakers. (I was thinking about wearing heels; I’m glad I changed my mind.) The event opened at 11:00 a.m., but Aldis would not be there until 1:00 p.m. I stood in a very long line for a long while. Finally, the line began to move. Once I received my stamp, I started taking pictures of me, other people, and people asking me to take pictures of them.

The art gallery was littered with multiple art pieces from so many other artists. To be honest, I started in the middle and worked my way to the left side; I never made it to the right side of the gallery. That’s how spacious this place was. I took so many pictures of the art; it kind of made me connect to my creativity, my vision. I felt like I was meant to be there to witness other forms of talent with art: sculpturing, painting, crocheting, glass, mural…too much to count.

However, I looked up and Aldis Hodge passes right by me. Earlier, I was looking for his art piece, trying to find the section he would be in. Oddly, like me, I had passed by it. I was one of the first people to see and meet him and his mother. I asked his mother to take a picture with me. She was a little hesitant at first, but I got her to take 2. The funny thing is meeting Momma Yolette, Aldis’ mother, I almost fainted! I was hyperventilating, burning up, trying to speak…His mother had to calm me down. Why did I do that? Once, I had read how Aldis and his elder brother, Edwin acknowledged their mom: what she taught and sacrificed for them. To be in her presence, I was just in awe. How embarrassing (the story of my life).

Then, I took a picture with Aldis and Ms. Harmonia. He asked my name, shook my hand, and was like, “It’s nice to meet you, Jasmine.” I’m like, “Wow, is this really happening to me? I’m a small town, countrywoman. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to me.” I left right after the pictures were taken.

My grandfather lived in Lancaster, so I stopped by for a visit. He bought 2 copies of my book and asked me to autograph them. I just look at him and laugh to myself. I had to leave because I had to make it back to work on time. Plus, there were reports of snow hitting Mississippi. I thought I would make it before that, but I got caught in it. It was very windy when I arrived in Midland, TX. I thought my car was going to be blown off the road; I have a small car.

Before I reached Dallas, it had started snowing. It wasn’t heavy until I arrived in Shreveport, LA. I had to call my friend because I was scared. I’ve never driven in snow before. He stayed on the phone until he couldn’t anymore. I made it to Mississippi safely around 5:30 a.m. I had decided not to go to work; I couldn’t anyway. The bridges had iced over so bad that many cars were either sliding off the road or sliding into the bridge. Thank God I made it home.

3 things I will admit:

  1. Although, I’ve never driven in snow before; just watching it fall in front of me and to the ground was simply beautiful and breathtaking.
  2. Meeting Aldis, Momma Yolette, and Ms. Harmoina was one of the most treasured life experiences I will cherish for the rest of my days.
  3. The LA Art Show was definitely worth the trip. Other than Aldis and Ms. Harmonia, I hate I didn’t get to meet any other artists. Just seeing those art pieces was awe-inspiring.

With that being said, at least I’ll have another crazy adventure to tell my nephew, D-baby when he’s older. The crazy, spontaneous antics of TeTe Jasz.

Yea, I can’t wait.

*More blogs to come. I was aiming for 4 in one day, but 2/4 is not bad. Just more for me to write tomorrow.*

Here are a few pictures from the LA Art Show. Trust me, that’s not even half of them.

 

 

 

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2018 on the Rise: New Goals, Making Dreams a Reality

2017 has been full of challenges and growth. I remember when I started this blog. It started out as encouragement and support for a family member. And it grew from there. Also, my blog became another outlet for me to stay productive in my writing. Although I fell off for a while, I am still able to pick up and continue one blog at a time.

Even though I’m still working on becoming a Copy Editor, I’ve decided to go back to school to get my Master’s Degree. It’s a one-year program. Of course, the program will not open up til August 2018, the fall. So I’m working toward getting everything together to attend. Then, I’ve been doing a lot of research about creating my own literary journal to help the creative community. I’m looking into Graphic Design, so I can learn how to do it myself. If I had the funds to pay someone else to do it, I would; however, I don’t. Plus, it will help me get back into my creative flow.

Concerning my book, I have a few author vendor events coming up, and the first one takes place in February. I have a couple of book signings scheduled. I’m very excited yet nervous at the same time. Now, that I just got hired for my new job, I will be able to promote/market my book like I want.

So many promising avenues are opening up and providing countless possibilities. I will say that becoming a published author was not in my plans. But I just thank God after 20-something years of people asking, encouraging, and poking me, it came to fruition. With my book, I was able to connect with so many authors, writers, and poets too.

I am so proud and proud of myself! 2017, thank you for the preview of what’s to come. 2018, let’s make it happen! Let’s not wait! Chapter 30 is blank and ready to be occupied with memories, adventures, and experiences. Time to make my dreams a reality!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!! Welcome, 2018! I pray it’s wonderful!

December 22, 2017 – Celebrating my 30th Birthday: Successes, Lessons, and Experiences

This will be a very short blog entry.

Technically, I promised myself to stay off social media and electronics, but what can I say? I owe a few previous entries anyway. So what the heck?

So, today is my birthday! I’m so humbled yet excited. I must say my birthday came quicker this year. It crept up on me. Last night, a bit before midnight, I was thinking to myself, “Lord, I’m really going to 30. I can’t believe it. Already?” I couldn’t help but smile though.

Let me explain further…

For a while, I know I was dreading the dreaded “30.” From society’s and family’s perspective, I don’t have anything as to what is usually expected of me. I’m not married, no children, no home to call my own, no relationship, and I’m still living at home with a parent out of necessity rather than wanting.  Putting it that way, I’m like super behind. You have people younger than me that are married, with children, their own homes, and have a career, not a job. I put a lot of pressure on myself. But hey, I was just following the script. What script? The script we’re drilled to memorize and executing from childhood to adulthood. I guess I didn’t make the cut.

Then, I began to feel like I had to play “catch-up.” I’m thinking: ” Man, I’m so far behind. I don’t have this. Or I don’t have that. I’m trying, but I just can’t seem to get ahead. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not good enough? Am I cursed?” Yes, I was just beating myself. Until a few nights ago, a good friend and I were having a conversation; and, she brought something to my attention.

She said, “Jasz, man’s timing and God’s timing are very different things. So don’t subject yourself to man’s time frame. Just because you don’t have now doesn’t mean you won’t ever get it. You’re 30 could be your new 20. Look at Gabrielle Union and Taraji P. Henson, they didn’t blow up until after their 30s. And JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, is older than you; yet, she still blew up when she wrote those books. Yes, as women, we are pressured by society and family. But who really knows when except the Lord? It has to line up with God’s will and timing. Not yours or anyone else’s. I’m just saying.”

She had me thinking. Besides, I’m still trying to find out who am and what I want to do for the remainder of my existence. I have to live my life and find out who the “real” me is. I thank her for sharing that with me. And all the pressure just suddenly lifted. I decided to just take it one day at a time. It’s all a process. Not only do I have to go through it, I have to stay in the process as well. Basically, I threw away society’s script and family’s script; I’m making my own up as I go.

With my birthday, I am reflecting on so much. My book: successes and learning experiences. From self-employment to unstable, temporary jobs, I can definitely say that I can finally see my growth, not just as a poet and writer but as a person too. I can’t do anything but thank God for everything that has and is preparing me for the next level in my life.

I can’t keep running. So, I’m going to take it head-on.

But that’s tomorrow’s issue; today, I’m celebrating me and the small victories!

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

(Next entries will catch up everything. I know I’m behind, but life continues to roll on).

*LOL, I just saw that’s it’s not a short blog after all. Wait til you see the others after this one.*

Celebrate me