This will be a very short blog entry.
Technically, I promised myself to stay off social media and electronics, but what can I say? I owe a few previous entries anyway. So what the heck?
So, today is my birthday! I’m so humbled yet excited. I must say my birthday came quicker this year. It crept up on me. Last night, a bit before midnight, I was thinking to myself, “Lord, I’m really going to 30. I can’t believe it. Already?” I couldn’t help but smile though.
Let me explain further…
For a while, I know I was dreading the dreaded “30.” From society’s and family’s perspective, I don’t have anything as to what is usually expected of me. I’m not married, no children, no home to call my own, no relationship, and I’m still living at home with a parent out of necessity rather than wanting. Putting it that way, I’m like super behind. You have people younger than me that are married, with children, their own homes, and have a career, not a job. I put a lot of pressure on myself. But hey, I was just following the script. What script? The script we’re drilled to memorize and executing from childhood to adulthood. I guess I didn’t make the cut.
Then, I began to feel like I had to play “catch-up.” I’m thinking: ” Man, I’m so far behind. I don’t have this. Or I don’t have that. I’m trying, but I just can’t seem to get ahead. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not good enough? Am I cursed?” Yes, I was just beating myself. Until a few nights ago, a good friend and I were having a conversation; and, she brought something to my attention.
She said, “Jasz, man’s timing and God’s timing are very different things. So don’t subject yourself to man’s time frame. Just because you don’t have now doesn’t mean you won’t ever get it. You’re 30 could be your new 20. Look at Gabrielle Union and Taraji P. Henson, they didn’t blow up until after their 30s. And JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, is older than you; yet, she still blew up when she wrote those books. Yes, as women, we are pressured by society and family. But who really knows when except the Lord? It has to line up with God’s will and timing. Not yours or anyone else’s. I’m just saying.”
She had me thinking. Besides, I’m still trying to find out who am and what I want to do for the remainder of my existence. I have to live my life and find out who the “real” me is. I thank her for sharing that with me. And all the pressure just suddenly lifted. I decided to just take it one day at a time. It’s all a process. Not only do I have to go through it, I have to stay in the process as well. Basically, I threw away society’s script and family’s script; I’m making my own up as I go.
With my birthday, I am reflecting on so much. My book: successes and learning experiences. From self-employment to unstable, temporary jobs, I can definitely say that I can finally see my growth, not just as a poet and writer but as a person too. I can’t do anything but thank God for everything that has and is preparing me for the next level in my life.
I can’t keep running. So, I’m going to take it head-on.
But that’s tomorrow’s issue; today, I’m celebrating me and the small victories!
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
(Next entries will catch up everything. I know I’m behind, but life continues to roll on).
*LOL, I just saw that’s it’s not a short blog after all. Wait til you see the others after this one.*