This will not be a long blog entry, but I’m rather fed up with crying.
For those that don’t know, I recently decided that I wanted to be a Copy Editor; however, after all the research in the world, I’m still on ground zero. Frustration set in, and I’ve just been cranky for almost 2 weeks. Then, I decided that I wanted to start my own editing services and other services with a couple of emphasis in other areas of writing. I have been doing a few projects to build my confidence as a writer and a person. But I had a client that wanted me to edit his book; however, distractions happened.
With this new job, it’s taking all of my time and drains the energy out of me more than I thought. So to make a long story super short, I lost my client; he found someone else. He felt bad for not telling me, but I just told him it was a business move. He had a book to get done. So, of course finding someone else to do it was the logical choice.
So I’m sitting at this job thinking: I got a “real” job to help pay my bills or just to get by, and I’m probably going to die with it.
Ironic, when I didn’t have a job, I had all the time in the world. I researched, made calls to connect with someone to point me in the right direction, and I couldn’t get anyone to help me. Now, I have a job. I just don’t have the time. I’m either always tired or distractions occur, and I’m always having to choose to being realistic or the mundane versus what I want to do that’s going to finally make me happy and fulfilled.
Now, I see that this “dream” was just a waste of time. No matter what I’ve done or am doing, I’m not getting anywhere, just like a treadmill. I’ve just been straight dream chasing, hoping to obtain a little something. Hope, high ground, or whatever the case maybe.
I guess my mom was right about a “real job.” Guess I will be forced to live the “mundane” in stead of a career I could be passionate, happy with.
All the hard work over the years til now, and I still haven’t gotten anywhere. Oh, yea just to say, “I’ve got a real job.”
At least in my dream world, I’m happy with my house, my black or blue Chow Chow puppy, and just simply enjoying it…
Till I wake up and return to the REAL world,- dying a very slow, agonizing death.